The Tax Refund
Red receives an unexpected yet instantly accepted tax refund. However, Harold has his doubts about the whole thing. Cast (in order of appearance): Harold Green, Red Green, Bill Smith, Mike Hamar, Buzz Sherwood, Winston Rothschild Segments: Red's Campfire Songs, The Possum Lodge Word Game, Handyman Corner, Red's Sage Advice, Possum 911, Adventures With Bill, The Experts Transcript Intro HAROLD GREEN: It's The New Red Green Show! Ha ha haaa! Remember, folks, {"The Tax Refund" appears} if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and acts like a duck and is carrying a seized-up chainsaw, you'd better duck, because it's probably your hero, my uncle, Red Green!!! {Red enter the Lodge and waves as the audience cheers. He holds an envelope.} RED GREEN: Thank you very much. Very exciting day up here at Possum Lodge. {holds up the envelope} I got this in the mail from the Income Tax Department. I think we're looking at a refund right here, ladies and gentlemen. HAROLD GREEN: Ha ha! Yeah! Yeah, right, Uncle Red. You have to, like, pay income tax before you can get a refund. RED GREEN: Not if you got a good accountant, Harold. HAROLD GREEN: No, no, no, no, no, it doesn't matter like that. No, you're wrong. You gotta pay into the system before you get anything back. I think you're confusing the word "filing" with the word "cheating". RED GREEN: {to Harold} Yeah? I think you're confusing the word "nephew" with the word "who cares?". {to audience} Stick around, folks, I'm gonna share this with you. The news, that is. Title Sequence {The New Red Green Show intro plays. Cut to a shot of Red and Harold, who places the envelope on an upright log in the middle of the lodge while Red swings an ax on the log and the envelope to open it up} RED GREEN: {voiceover} What you're looking at now is a bunch of segments from this particular show... {Cut to a shot of Red using a sander to smooth down a tire on a boat trailer and spin it, then vainly tries to cut it with a screwdriver} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...the main message being, "For gosh sakes, don't even thinking about changing the..." {Cut to a shot of the Possum Lodge Word Game about to start; the word is "Address" and the contestant is Mike Hamar.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} "...channel." I'll tell ya something, if you wanna make sense outta this program... {Cut to a shot of Winston Rothschild talking.} RED GREEN: {voiceover} ...you gotta give it your undivided attention. Plot Segment 2 {Harold places the envelope on a log standing upright. Red holds an axe.} RED GREEN: Alright, that's good, Harold. {Red swings the axe down on the log and the envelope placed on it. The axe wedges in the log and rips the envelope open. Red grabs the envelope.} Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at— {he blows on the envelope as he opens it.} Look at what we got here, huh? {he pulls out the contents of the envelope: a check.} There's a refund check! {he waves the check around.} That's a refund check! {he shoves the check in Harold's face.} Look at that, Harold! That's a refund check! Exactly as I predicted right there. HAROLD GREEN: Well, Uncle Red, you gotta pay into income tax before you can expect a refund. RED GREEN: Great country, isn't it, Harold, huh, eh? Let's see. {he holds out the check in front of his face.} Let's see how great... Gimme a hand here, Harold. {Harold takes the check from his uncle's hand and holds it out far away from his face.} There we go, there we go, there we go. Elven dollars and 43 cents. Not bad. Not bad. HAROLD GREEN: Uncle Red, there— that's a fly dropping there. {he flicks it off the check and holds it out again} Try that again. RED GREEN: {shocked} Eleven hundred and forty-three dollars?! HAROLD GREEN: What? No, that's— {looks at the check again and is aghast at the amount} RED GREEN: Oh, man! HAROLD GREEN: {shouting} WHOA!! THAT'S— Whoa! That's wrong! That's a mistake! RED GREEN: No! HAROLD GREEN: That's a mist— RED GREEN: {overlapping} No, no, no, no! HAROLD GREEN: {overlapping} That's a mistake! {Red snatches the check from Harold's hand} No, we're phoning the Tax Department, 'cause that's a mistake! We're gonna get this straightened out. RED GREEN: I'm not phoning anybody, Harold. You know, I'm just thinking now that I... I may have made some comments, you know, about the government, the Tax Department, about some pays due over the past— HAROLD GREEN: Some comments?! They were threats! I heard them! Right! RED GREEN: Whatever, Harold, but you know, I'll tell you, you take a man who's barely making ends meet and therefore not ever able to generate enough income tax to actually pay the income tax, which is a privilege, you know; that's a privilege. HAROLD GREEN: Oh, yeah, we're one of the most privileged countries in the world, so... RED GREEN: Yeah. And you hand that man eleven hundred and forty-three dollars! {he turns and heads for the front door} I'm telling ya, this is a great government we got here, Harold, it's a good deal! Adventures With Bill Teaser Red's Campfire Song The Possum Lodge Word Game {Harold accompanies Red by clicking two spoons together} RED GREEN: :Oh, now looking in the campfire, :tell me what you see. :A pile of logs and kindling? :The artist formerly known as tree? :Or do you see the spirit :calling you like a brother? :But if that spirit looks like an aerosol can, :I suggest you run for cover. Handyman Corner Red's Sage Advice Plot Segment 3 Possum 911 Adventures With Bill Plot Segment 4 The Experts Plot Segment 5 Fun Facts Real-World References *When Red tries to get Mike to guess the word in the Word Game and says, "This is a number," Mike replies with, "Oh, 666." The number 666 is traditionally referred to as the Number of the Beast. *''Baywatch Nights'' was a spin-off from the TV show, Baywatch. Pamela Lee Anderson was a guest star on that show. Category:Red Green Filmography Category:Bill Smith Filmography Category:Mike Hamar Filmography Category:Buzz Sherwood Filmography Category:Winston Rothschild Filmography Category:Harold Green Filmography